Codependency

Codependency in Relationships

Codependency is characterized by relationships where one partner enables the other to maintain their addictive, underachieving, or irresponsible behaviors. The codependent partner may also permit poor mental health management or inattention to physical illness. From a clinical standpoint, codependency is more so a description of interpersonal relationships than it is a diagnostic term.

A codependent person relies other people for fulfilling nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. By enabling the compulsive behavior of a partner, the codependent person feels important has a sense of identity. If you feel that you’re constantly making sacrifices for a partner that is struggling with substance abuse, you may be complicit in a codependent relationship.

The notion of codependency has been around for a long time. It originally applied to spouses of people with Alcohol Use Disorder (back then they were called co-alcoholics instead of codependents). Researchers came to the conclusion that codependency was much more common in society than they had first thought. They found that if you had been born into a dysfunctional family, you may be more likely to become codependent.

Like many other disorders that are progressive, codependency can become worse if left untreated. The good news is that the symptoms are reversible and anyone can be helped out of the situation they're currently in.

Symptoms of Codependency

  • Low Self-Esteem - feeling that you’re not good enough, feeling shame or guilt or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem

  • Caretaking Behavior - you're looking to help anyone with a problem, even if it means sacrificing something for yourself; you might even feel rejected if someone doesn't want help

  • Denial - like many other compulsive behaviors, codependents deny that they behave in certain ways or that they are suffering from any type of problem

  • Need for Control - you limit your ability to take risks, and may feel a need to control other people in your life

  • Dysfunctional Communication - you might feel afraid of being truthful, or even feel unsure about exactly what your feelings are; communication may become confusing

  • People-Pleasing - going out of your way to accommodate other people, or having a hard time saying no because it causes you anxiety

  • Obsessions with Relationships - codependents have a tendency to obsess over relationships, what other people are thinking of them, or if they’ve made a mistake

  • Dependency - codependents need other people to like them in order to feel good about themselves, and they can attach their identity to another person's image of them

  • Negative Feelings - a codependent person often have feelings of anxiety, fear, anger, or depression connected to their self-image through the eyes of other people

Treating Codependency

The above symptoms are habits that may have affected a person for years and can be difficult to identify and change without help. The first step to take, if you believe that you may be codependent, is seeking support and guidance. At La Jolla Healing Center, we can make an assessment of your situation and suggest the best way to move forward, or tailor a program that can help you or a loved one. Building self-esteem and becoming more secure with yourself are key parts in treatment. There are also Twelve-Step Programs available for codependents, for example Co-Dependants Anonymous.